Domestic abuse

The Domestic Abuse Act 2021 widens the definition of domestic abuse to include physical abuse, sexual abuse, violent or threatening behaviour, controlling and/or coercive behaviour, economic/financial abuse, psychological and emotional abuse.

The Act sets out more measures to support victims including through the provision of Safe Accommodation, alongside placing a focus on tackling perpetrators of abuse and holding them to account.

Domestic abuse occurs across society regardless of age, gender, sexuality, wealth, ethnicity or geography. It’s not just between people who are, or have been in, a sexual relationship, but also, between family members or those living in the same house, for example child/adolescent to parent violence and abuse. In addition, evidence shows that in families where domestic abuse is present some circumstances can trigger and/or escalate incidents of domestic abuse for example pregnancy.

Anyone can be a victim of domestic abuse, including children and young people.

One in four women and one in six men will be a victim of domestic abuse, in their lifetime. Domestic abuse can happen to anyone. You are not alone.

If you are in immediate danger please call 999.

Signs of domestic abuse

The Home Office provides a clear definition of domestic violence and abuse. Signs of an abusive relationship include:

• demanding to know where you have been, what you have been doing, who you have been talking to
• stopping you seeing friends and family
• bullying or intimidating you
• punching, shoving, slapping, kicking, biting, spitting or threatening you or your children with these actions
• constant criticism aimed at you or your abilities as a partner or parent

Any of the above actions could amount to domestic abuse, but it is not just about individual incidents – it’s also the repeat nature of these and how they can get worse.

People who carry out domestic abuse believe that they are entitled to behave in this way, it’s about power and control over the victim.

It’s is not always physical violence. It can also include:

• coercive control and gaslighting
• economic abuse
• online abuse
• threats and intimidation
• emotional abuse
• sexual abuse

Coercion and control

Controlling behaviour

Is a range of acts designed to make a person subordinate and/or dependent by isolating them from sources of support, exploiting their resources and capacities for personal gain, depriving them of the means needed for independence, resistance and escape and regulating their everyday behaviour.

Coercive behaviour

Is an act or a pattern of acts of assault, threats, humiliation and intimidation or other abuse that is used to harm, punish, or frighten their victim. Home Office 2015.

Controlling and Coercive behaviour is a purposeful pattern of incidents (not a single incident) which takes place over time in order for an individual (with whom there is an ongoing, intimate relationship or former partners who are still personally connected) to exert power, control or coercion over another. It can include behaviours such as isolating a person from friends and family, monitoring a person, taking control over aspects of everyday life, depriving them of support and threats to hurt or kill the individual, family, friends or family pet.

Under the Serious Crime Act, controlling and coercive behaviour became illegal in England and Wales in December 2015, carrying a maximum sentence of five years imprisonment, and/or a fine. There are three essential criteria that define the parameters of coercive control:

1. The victim and perpetrator must be ‘personally connected’ at the time of the offence
2. The behaviour has a serious effect on the victim
3. The perpetrator knows or ought to know that the behaviour will have a serious effect on the victim

Understanding the Power and Control Wheel

The Power and Control wheel highlights the vast array of tactics those causing harm will use. In some cases physical violence is hardly ever used and indeed in some cases is never used, so on the wheel physical violence sits alongside sexual violence on the outer rim, as it is used to create a credible threat, meaning in those relationships where violence is not used there is still the credible and believed threat it could be which constantly reinforces the control.

Use the following links to view helpful videos explaining the different elements of the Power and Control Wheel model at the Duluth website:

• Understanding the Power Wheel: Overview
• Physical and Sexual Violence (outer ring)
• Using Intimidation
• Using Emotional Abuse
• Using Isolation
• Minimizing, Denying and Blaming
• Using Children
• Using Male Privilege
• Using Economic Abuse
• Using Coercion and Threats

(Source: Developed by Domestic Abuse Intervention Project, Duluth, MN)

How domestic abuse affects children and young people

Children and young people living with domestic abuse in the home respond to their circumstances in many different ways. They may feel frightened, insecure and confused. Often, they learn to keep their feelings and fears to themselves – they may feel like the domestic abuse in their home life must be kept secret.

With support, children and young people can begin to cope with and make sense of what has happened in their families. They can overcome the trauma or witnessing or experiencing violence and go on to live safe, happy lives.

Many children do cope with and survive abuse, displaying extraordinary resilience. However, the physical, psychological and emotional effects of domestic abuse on children can also be severe and long-lasting. Some children may become withdrawn and find it difficult to communicate. Others may blame themselves for the abuse. All children living with abuse are under stress.

You can find more information and support at:

• Are you a child or young person affected by abuse? (myharbour.org.uk)
• County Durham Children and Families Practice toolkit
• Durham County Council – Support for children affected by domestic abuse
• Women’s Aid – How can I help my children?
• Refuge – Helping children cope with abuse

Young People experiencing domestic abuse within their own intimate relationships

Young people under the age of 16 are not covered by the statutory definition, but, we know that young people experience domestic abuse in their own relationships and this needs to be taken seriously. Young People are more likely than adult victims to still be in their abusive relationship at the point they access support.

Harbour are an independent registered charity and Durham County Council’s commissioned specialist domestic abuse service. Their children and young people’s team can work with young people who are experiencing and using abuse and/or violence in their relationships. Find out how to Make a referral.

The draft statutory guidance that accompanies the Domestic Abuse Act 2021 gives further suggestions and sets out expectations of those working with young people who are experiencing domestic abuse in their own relationships. It highlights that education is key to addressing this issue and learning about healthy relationships and is now a statutory requirement in schools. If you are interested in finding out more, go to Gov.uk: Relationships and sex education (RSE) and health education – GOV.UK

Operation Encompass

Durham County Council is working with police and Harbour Support Services and schools to improve the support for children affected by domestic abuse. Young people who experience abuse and violence at home often arrive for classes the next day upset and unprepared. Durham County Council, the police and Harbour Support Services aim to work more closely to better share information so teachers can provide the help their pupils may need. See the Operation Encompass website for more information.

Child and Adolescent to Parent Violence and Abuse (CAPVA)

Children and adolescents causing harm towards parents, caregivers and family members is a serious issue and evidence suggests it is increasing. Recent research shows that about 20% of teenagers cause harm to their parents and about 10% seriously so.

There is currently no legal definition of child and/ or adolescent to parent violence and abuse, so in 2021, Durham adopted the following definition:

“A Child or young person aged between 8 and 18, that is displaying behaviours which could cause harm, this includes abusive or violent behaviour towards people close to them, particularly their parents or carers. This abuse may be physical, verbal, financial, coercive or emotional and may include behaviours such as hitting, making threats, scaring them into doing or not doing things, or causing damage in the home.”

The abuse and/or violence can be carried out by sons and daughters against mothers, fathers, grandparents, siblings and carers. It can be hard to find ways to keep everyone safe, including the child or adolescent whose behaviour is posing a risk to positive family relationships and safety. It can be difficult to know how to make things better.

See the council’s Domestic Abuse pages for more information.

Domestic abuse in pregnancy

Pregnancy can be a trigger for domestic abuse, and existing abuse may get worse during pregnancy or after giving birth. It can also cause emotional and mental health problems, such as stress and anxiety, which can affect the development of the baby.

The NHS website has more information about domestic abuse in pregnancy.

Perpetrators of domestic abuse